Adulting at a High Level

When I was a kid, I couldn't wait to grow up. 100% of the best part of growing up is making your own decisions.

Eat breakfast food all the time? Yes. Pancakes all the time. Delicious.

Go on vacation wherever you want? Yes.

Wear whatever you want? Yes.

Have a messy room? Why not?

Refuse to make your bed? Doesn't matter.

Fail to clean the bathroom every Saturday? Still get to go out.

Today, I'm sitting here while sweaty dudes make very loud noises on my roof. Today they're tearing the old one off. The rest of the week they'll be putting a new one on. What you don't realize as a kid is that there's a sense of satisfaction in knowing that as an adult, you can order a major home improvement project. And the feeling of accomplishment in knowing that you can pay for it.

My bed isn't made. My clothes aren't put away. I had a bagel for breakfast because pancakes are a pain in the butt. I didn't clean the bathroom this weekend. I'm wearing a t-shirt and spandex shorts because I'm going to work out in a couple of hours and there's no purpose in getting something else dirty beforehand.

All those things I learned to do as a kid, I'm ignoring. Regardless, I'm still acting like an adult at a pretty high level.

Adulthood is BULLSHIT or, I have a midlife crisis

You, my friend, you have been lied to.

By everyone.

I don't want this to be true, but it is. 

Here's the lie: 

If you work hard and are a good person, everything will be fine. 

Bullshit, my friends. 

Bull. Fucking. Shit.

But people don't say this.

1. Most people don't want to admit that they're running on the hamster wheel of life. 
2. Some people just don't care. 
3. Some people really are happy with where they are and what they've become. note: you can't ask them for the secret because here's the secret- everyone is different. 

Here's how it works:

You bust your ass in school to go to a good college or get a good job. I'm here to tell you not everyone should go to college, but that's another post.

Let's say you choose the college track. You go to college, you incur debt, you graduate. Maybe you don't go into debt you lucky son of a biscuit, but I did.

I laughed so hard I cried. It's funny because it's true.

You work, you realize that the career you chose as an 18 year old who isn't yet old enough to drink legally is not one you want to do for the rest of your sentient days on the earth.

You change fields. Maybe you go back to school. Maybe you become an intern at age 28 because you want to do something else but don't have experience. Maybe you take a job that doesn't even require a degree.

You find a job. You might love it. You might hate it. You keep doing it anyway. 

You keep paying that loan. If you went back to school, you pay on the 2nd one. You realize you'll be in your 50s by the time they are paid off.

Along the way, you may find someone to love. If you do and you are able to make it legal, the first thing people ask is when you're going to have kids.

If you don't find someone to love, you are pressured by everyone, everywhere, all the time, to find that person.


Somewhere along the way you buy a house. Houses are a lot of work, even if they're in good condition. The upkeep can be a little oppressive. You might have an ant problem, little fuckers.

nightmare fodder, right here. 

And then you realize- this is it. This is what I've worked hard for all of my life.

And then you realize- this is it. Is this it? Why is this it? Is there more? Am I an asshole for wanting there to be more? 

This, my friends, is what they call a mid-life crisis. I judge them. I condemn those that call it a crisis. The day I stop questioning all there is the day I die.

Why are we expected to have all these life changes and major upheavals and then suddenly settle down and relax? By the time we figure out how to deal with all the change life throws at us, we are supposed to just peacefully pull weeds and drink tea?

There's no conclusion to this post... not yet. Stay tuned for more on my..


(does that accurately convey irony?)

I'M STILL TEACHING.

This is the time of year when teachers leave their classrooms.

Some for a month or two. Usually they're back in a classroom of some sort for continuing ed over the summer, but it's not their classroom.

Some forever.

The Tough Decision To Leave the Classroom: from I am J Wal

Why I'm Leaving at United Opt Out.com

And Jason Pittman who reached national prominence with his story on This American Life, a year ago.  (PS: a personal note on this- don't talk about him on the TAL page on Facebook or he will send you a private message full of snide remarks about your finances, whether or not your husband makes enough to support your vanity job of teaching, and your actual ability to teach. True story. I'm actually glad this asshole is out of the classroom.)

When thinking about this post, I looked for blogs on why to stay. The best one: Why I Teach. It's not an individual, it's a collection of stories. It's inspirational. 

me, while reading the Why I Teach stories.

Why I Stay: 

I've taught the whole spectrum of students: poor, rich, English speakers, non-English speakers, college level courses to 15 year olds, and during the very next class I've taught 16 year olds reading on a 2nd grade level. 

I've been cried on and spit on. 

I've been swung at and hugged. 

I've been loved and hated. 

I've watched some kids rise and others fall. 

I've cried and laughed with my students. 

I've had wonderful administrators and horrible administrators. 

I've loved and hated my job. 

I've done many things well and I've made epic mistakes. 

Before teaching, I've worked for private businesses, public universities, and government institutions. And I know that I took a pay cut to teach. But I also know that when people say that you are respected in the business world, they are full of shit. I am afforded equal amounts of respect as a teacher as I was doing anything else. 

Not as much as I deserve:  that's how much respect I used to get and it's how much I get today. 

I did not feel more valued as a human outside of teaching. People are more open about their disrespect now- teachers can be openly disrespected, especially by parents. But disrespect is endemic in our society and nothing I did in the non-teaching sector made me feel any more respected. 

Most important than the respect of others, I value myself more highly as a teacher. 

A lot of these blogs about people leaving the classroom mention that they are award winning. I've won an award or two. Mainly I'm award nominated. I don't win a lot of awards. I don't try to. 

Leo feels my pain.

When I was in college, I thought I wanted to work in politics. I did for a while. The rush from campaigning was awesome. The day to day operations were tedious. 

That rush and the lack of it led me to change jobs every 2 years for a while. I decided to go back to school to become a teacher. And now I'm finishing my 9th year teaching, virtual or otherwise. 

It's fun for me. It's a rush. 

Everyday is an election: will they vote to learn? 

Every day I'm the majority whip: you better vote to learn! If you don't know what the whip is, I'm sorry you didn't pay attention in government class. Now go look it up.

Just like the whip, I have strategies. Will they need coddling? Coercion? Threats? Bribes?

Some days I use the right tactics and I win the battle. Some days I don't and I lose the battle. But the battle is not between me and them. I'm on their side. The battle is between me and everything else vying for their attention. 

Friends. Enemies. Parent pressure. Hunger. Abuse. Peer pressure. Violence. Gangs. Family issues. Expectations. Anxiety. Boredom. Technology. Alcohol. Sex. Drugs. Rock & roll. 

Despite losing battles, I win the war every year. 

Do I always follow the rules? You've heard the saying, "All's fair in love and war" ... right? 

I'm going to keep fighting the battles until I am carted off the field. My students will salute me and say that I always fought on their side.