Nerd guys, jock guys, all kinds of guys. #yesallwomen

There are countless posts about that guy that killed his roommates and then some women because he was involuntarily celibate (his words).

Shooter Leaves Digital Trail - in case you don't have the story.

And then I've read two great responses to this from guys who somewhat identified with the killer:
Overcome Your Programming
Your Princess Is In Another Castle: Misogyny, Entitlement, and Nerds

Let's start at the beginning: To have a good relationship, whether friendship, dating, marriage, whatever, both parties have to be on the same level.

Guys, if you like her more than she likes you, it won't work.
Girls, if you like him more than he likes you, it won't work.

I have been on both ends of this equation. I have really liked a guy (multiple times) who was not at all into me in that way. And I have been really liked by guys who I have not wanted to make out with.

No one is entitled to anything. I didn't realize that the hardest thing to teach my kids is this: your body is your own. No one else's. And when someone says stop, you stop. This is true whether you are arm wrestling or kissing.

As a teacher, I have seen and will continue to see the self-proclaimed "nice guy" who never has a date. I have seen and will continue to see the hot girls that every guy thinks they should go out with.

Not everyone is like this, so read the following with the understanding that I am going to make some generalizations. This is drawn from years of talking with kids who have confided in me about their personal issues.

When a girl likes a guy and he doesn't like her back, her response is to wonder what she did wrong. She wonders: am I too fat? Too skinny? Too tan? Too pale? Too smart? Too dumb? Too blonde? Not blonde enough? And then she sets out to fix those things for him. 

When a guy likes a girl and she doesn't like him in return, his response is to project what he sees as being wrong with her. She's dumb, she's fat, she's a slut, she only wants a rich guy, she's racist. Not all guys, but a lot of guys. Nice guys. Quiet guys. Smart guys. Dumb guys.

Here's the thing: if you complain about your lot in life and don't do anything about it, that is your problem. I hear stories of the nice guys who are so busy complaining and bemoaning their lack of hot girlfriend that they don't realize that the perfectly nice and also attractive girl is willing to date you.

What if that girl set out to fix things for herself? What if she is happy the way she is and she just realized that guy wasn't a good fit for her?

What if that guy set out to fix some things for himself? And what if he realized that he's fine the way he is and that girl just isn't a good fit for him?

When we set realistic expectation for ourselves in other areas of our lives, our peers (usually) don't give us shit. I don't want to be national teacher of the year. I just want to be good at what I do. My friends don't give me shit for that. They don't say that the NTOY people don't know what they're missing. I think George Clooney is attractive. I don't think he's an asshole for not dating me. We're both kind of busy.

I mean. Seriously.

But when people, guys in particular, set reasonable expectations for themselves, their dudebro friends will pile on the shit. The hot girl doesn't know what she's missing, and the perfectly normal, non-supermodel type is desperate.

When girls set reasonable expectations, they're desperate or slutty and that's just bullshit.

Lastly, more than anything else, you should realize that....

There is always, always someone in a similar situation. Quit obsessing. And if you can't quit obsessing, find a professional.