The Mean Teacher

Here is something I don't understand: the teacher who is proud of student failure.

Does it make you feel tough? Strong? Smart?

To be smarter than a bunch of students who are either willingly or not putting their learning in your hands?

Teachers have a tough time in America these days. We are definitely not afforded the respect we are due.

However, if you're out there saying things like, "No one gets an A on my tests." YOU ARE A BIG PART OF THE PROBLEM.

Teaching in an online format requires a lot of things that don't normally happen in a regular classroom.

An online teacher needs the support of the school (or parent, if homeschooled) to monitor tests, to report grades, and to act as a go-between when there is difficulty. The majority of my interactions with these people we call mentors is when I send them an email to confirm that a student was absent and so they can have an extension on their assignment or to let them know that a student has fallen behind.

Some mentors will talk to me as a peer- I am, after all - and work with me to help the student succeed.

Some mentors treat me as the enemy. They make excuses for their student. He is taking classes at a college in addition to high school.  She has 7 AP classes. He is student council president. She has an internship.

Mentors: I understand. I totally get it. I have the best students at schools all over the state. And a few not even in this state. They are all way too overcommitted, but that's another blog post. However, they signed up for this class. It's 100% an elective course. But it's a college level elective. And if they don't do the work, they will fail. I won't give them a failing grade, they will have earned it.

I didn't do that to them. They did it to themselves. I'm available a ridiculous amount to answer questions, to help them, to re-teach the work. I actually want to do that! I love meeting with the kids! It's the best part of my job. If they don't want to talk to me "live," that fine, all of my videos & notes are available on my site, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I want them to get it. I want them to love the way the economic world works the same way I do. I want them to hear a story on the radio and get excited because they understand why the Saudis are pushing oil production or why banks got in trouble for foreign exchange fraud.

So teachers who say NO one gets an A. Screw you. I am so happy when my students do well. I get so excited when I see a kid who has been struggling get 100% on a quiz. I send them emails congratulating them on their work. If you deny yourself that happiness, that's on you, terrible teacher.

I'm not a role model... wait, yes I am.

Does anyone else remember this commercial? No? Ok, moving on. 

This post is about as revealing as a person gets, so sit down, strap in, hold on, and shut up.

No, please don't shut up.

Three years ago, a former student messaged me on Facebook. She wanted to tell me I am a failure.

She intended for me to be a role model. I was a female teacher who was willing to question the establishment in public.

She was used to being treated as a higher being. She was smart and a lot like Reese Witherspoon's character in the movie Election. If you haven't seen it, you should. It's good.

She came from what was perceived as a good family. Her dad was an attorney. She planned to go to law school.

I was pregnant the semester she was in my class. I had a fairly high risk pregnancy which ended with me on bed rest for 10 weeks and a lot of drama. I don't know why this is relevant, but it's part of the story. I was under a lot of stress. It was also only my third year teaching, so I was still kind of a fuckup.

This student was in my last class of the day. I seem to remember that it was a smallish class, but it was full of personality. That's what teachers say when you have kids who are pretty wild. In this class a lot of the kids didn't like each other and were assholes about it.

This student was in the class with her boyfriend. He was a classic brilliant underachiever. Teachers typically hated him. I didn't, I found him entertaining.

One time, we had a lockdown drill. This meant that we acted like there was a threat of some sort in the building. This was an unannounced drill which also meant that we weren't sure if it was a drill or the real thing. Teachers locked their doors, covered the windows, turned off the lights, students were pushed into a corner and we were all supposed to act like there was no one in the room. This particular student started freaking out. Her boyfriend was hugging her and telling her it would be all right. Two other students in the class apparently gave her shit for freaking out. I don't know, honestly, I was busy trying not to freak out myself and I was really worried that they weren't being quiet. Anyway, she loudly called him an asshole.

I wrote her up for it. Standard disciplinary procedure. In her message, I should not have done that because they were "two of the biggest shitheads in class."

Huh. I didn't realize that justice was for the mostly good. I thought it was for everyone.

There was a student in her class who might have been new to the school. I honestly don't remember. I do remember that she did not dress like the other students. She didn't look like them. She didn't act like them. And some of them gave her crap for it. This student in particular, gave her a lot of crap for it. In her message, she asked me if I remembered accusing her of bullying a student without asking how she felt about it.

I didn't accuse anyone of anything. Which is my failing. The student and her mom accused two of the students and I supported her version of events. I should have done the accusing. I watched it happen. They taunted her daily. The student went on homebound instruction for the rest of the year because she felt like she couldn't deal with school. I feel really shitty that I didn't do anything first. So no, I don't give a fuck what she felt about it.

During this student's senior year, I took a group of students to Washington, D.C., for Obama's first inauguration. It took an insane amount of planning to get that trip together. I was told by the administration that I could only take students who were currently in my government course at the time. Since I had to take a minimum number and the trip was expensive,  they allowed me to open the trip to honors or AP students with their approval.

She asked to go on the trip. Despite what I saw as a personality conflict with her, I asked the administration anyway. I wanted to say no outright, but I went ahead and asked.

They said no. She was being criminally investigated at the time. While I know the details of the situation, I'm pretty sure she was a minor and so I'm not going to say anything incriminating. Let's just say that it was extreme bullying. It was pretty horrible, honestly.

One day, just as the bell rang, this student tried to stop me on the way out of my classroom.

I have a small bladder. I can barely make it 90 minutes of class, and there were times where I had to call over another teacher to keep an eye on my class so I could run to the bathroom.

Anyway, she tried to stop me. I had to pee. BAD.

She says I slammed the door to my classroom in her face when she wanted to know why I couldn't take her on the DC trip. Really, it was the door to the bathroom. She could have waited for me to finish. But she didn't. I don't know that things would have turned out differently for her. She wasn't allowed to go. I didn't make that decision.

I was reminded of all this today.

A friend of mine posted this amazing article on Facebook: http://thehairpin.com/2014/10/let-me-love-you/

A quote from the article:

Here’s an insanely revolutionary act: why not counter each ill thought that comes through your head with an acceptance—the acceptance that you’re not always going to agree with everything every woman does. Or an acceptance that some women will be tricky and some will be actual bitches, some of them will read Lean In and be the next Sheryl Sandberg, some women will call Beyoncé an anti-feminist, some will be walking contradictions, or some women will say that I’m a fake behind my back, or that I’m a liar, and that I don’t write well, or whatever—and just to accept that people are just people, women are just women, instead of reacting poorly and slamming them in whatever juvenile way that you see fit.


I realized that I have been accepting but not liking certain women for years. When I was being a butt head when I was a kid, my mom would say, "I love you, but I don't like your actions."

I have accepted my students, flaws and all, and there is more than one that I have not loved. But love or not, I have been fair.

I have always been fair, no matter what their age, gender, sexual orientation, socio economic background. I will not give you a free pass to misbehave because you are smart or white or rich.

And so while this student carries this viewpoint of oppression with her, I am proud. I am damn proud of what I've done and what I continue to do. I am a role model. I try to choose to do the right thing. Sometimes I fail. I'm totally human. But I believe in fairness.

I hope this student finds peace and acceptance. Believing you are oppressed when there is no reason to do so is a horrible cross to bear.

I'm not gonna lie...

Why Teachers Lie About Their Classrooms - at The Atlantic

I don't lie about my teaching. I'm just never going to tell you the whole truth.

Yes, there's a kid who is falling asleep/cheating/texting while another kid has an epiphany. And tomorrow, the roles could be reversed. I literally don't care about the kid not paying attention.

When I was in the classroom, and now when I have group or individual sessions, or when I'm recording a lecture, I give 100% of myself to my students. I give that 100% to the students who give me 100% back. On any given day, that student could be a different person.

I don't hold it against them. If you and your mom got in a fight before school and she took your phone, you're probably distracted and not paying attention. It's nothing personal.

In my last 2 years in the classroom, the phrase "I'm not gonna lie..." was extremely popular. It would often precede a statement not worth lying about. "I'm not gonna lie, this was the best chicken biscuit ever. "

Sometimes, it preceded a hard truth. "I'm not gonna lie, class was really boring today, L-Mar."

I appreciated their honesty mainly because it gave me an opportunity to respond. Usually, it was, "You're right, the Puritans suck and I can't wait to be done with them." This was followed by laughter on both sides- they're not used to teachers admitting that something they teach is pretty awful (sorry, dear reader, if you like the Puritans).  And secondly, they saw me as a human. Which will lead to more "I'm not gonna lie... " statements in the future, which will lead to a better teacher-student relationship, which will lead to more learning.

Other times, it gave me the opportunity to notice that while the rest of the class was heatedly discussing the evils of Commie-chasing, this student was completely checked out and bored.

"Why were you bored?" "It was dumb."

"What's going on in your other classes?" "Ugh, everything is so lame right now. I think all of you teachers decided not to do anything interesting this week."

" How are things between you and your brother/mom/dad?" "My dad moved out yesterday."
(me, silently... AND THERE WE HAVE IT.)

also applies to teaching.

When I talk to my colleagues at lunch that day, do I share how the Puritans suck? Nope. I'm going to tell them about how my 2nd block was SUPER ENGAGED and everyone was making AWESOME CONNECTIONS between the Red Scares of the 1920s and 1950s.

I'm not gonna lie, but after you've been teaching a while, you get selective memory. You remember the awesome stuff and there seems to be more of it every day. You remember the really horrible stuff. But you don't remember the stuff in between.

Help me help you!

Students,
Dear, Dear Students,

You think teachers have all the power. So I am begging and pleading with you now, I am demonstrating to you that you are the one with the power. I cannot help if if I don't know what you don't understand.

Let me tell you a story:
Once upon a time, I took economics. This was in college, and it was the 90s, so there was none of this bullshit about students as customers. If you didn't like the professor, fuck off. If you didn't feel he (mostly he) taught very well, fuck off. Many (though definitely not all) of the professors at the university I attended had the attitude of "We are the very prestigious university and many other people could have had your place as a student, so sit down and shut up."

Some of those professors were wonderful. None of them taught econ.

I did not do well. I did not understand. I did not like economics. I received the worst grades I had ever received. I still minored in econ.

Ten years later (give or take) I was told I would be teaching economics.

I dreaded it. I did not want to teach it. I did not like it.

I was wrong.

I did like it. Kind of a lot. It's really useful information. You can apply what you learn to real life.
And because I struggled with it, I am really damn good at teaching it.

Now, ten years after that, I'm teaching AP economics. And I understand your struggle. I know that not everyone gets it on the first pass. I know that sometimes you need three or four or ten examples before things click.

HOWEVER.



When you say to me I DON'T GET IT. I totally understand how you're feeling. I do. I have been where you are.

Because I'm teaching online, this is all via email. It shouldn't be, but no matter how many times I tell you about the software that we use to meet in real time, you refuse to meet with me.

I send another email. And I ask you- can you give me an example of a question that you don't understand. A practice quiz question. An assignment. Anything?

And you email me back and say I just don't understand.




And I email you again. This time, again asking for a specific example of what exactly you don't understand. I want to help you.



Please, tell me, WHAT DON'T YOU GET? Do you not understand the theory behind it? Do you not understand the formula we are using? Do you not understand anything about gross domestic product or consumer price index or monetary policy?

I have given you EVERYTHING. At some point, you have to take responsibility. You have to read back over your notes. The textbook. The additional website I showed you that has videos. The website with definitions. The practice tests.

And then, you have to answer my questions. I will make you a video. I will write out painstaking, step by step instructions. But you have to answer my questions.

I'M STILL TEACHING.

This is the time of year when teachers leave their classrooms.

Some for a month or two. Usually they're back in a classroom of some sort for continuing ed over the summer, but it's not their classroom.

Some forever.

The Tough Decision To Leave the Classroom: from I am J Wal

Why I'm Leaving at United Opt Out.com

And Jason Pittman who reached national prominence with his story on This American Life, a year ago.  (PS: a personal note on this- don't talk about him on the TAL page on Facebook or he will send you a private message full of snide remarks about your finances, whether or not your husband makes enough to support your vanity job of teaching, and your actual ability to teach. True story. I'm actually glad this asshole is out of the classroom.)

When thinking about this post, I looked for blogs on why to stay. The best one: Why I Teach. It's not an individual, it's a collection of stories. It's inspirational. 

me, while reading the Why I Teach stories.

Why I Stay: 

I've taught the whole spectrum of students: poor, rich, English speakers, non-English speakers, college level courses to 15 year olds, and during the very next class I've taught 16 year olds reading on a 2nd grade level. 

I've been cried on and spit on. 

I've been swung at and hugged. 

I've been loved and hated. 

I've watched some kids rise and others fall. 

I've cried and laughed with my students. 

I've had wonderful administrators and horrible administrators. 

I've loved and hated my job. 

I've done many things well and I've made epic mistakes. 

Before teaching, I've worked for private businesses, public universities, and government institutions. And I know that I took a pay cut to teach. But I also know that when people say that you are respected in the business world, they are full of shit. I am afforded equal amounts of respect as a teacher as I was doing anything else. 

Not as much as I deserve:  that's how much respect I used to get and it's how much I get today. 

I did not feel more valued as a human outside of teaching. People are more open about their disrespect now- teachers can be openly disrespected, especially by parents. But disrespect is endemic in our society and nothing I did in the non-teaching sector made me feel any more respected. 

Most important than the respect of others, I value myself more highly as a teacher. 

A lot of these blogs about people leaving the classroom mention that they are award winning. I've won an award or two. Mainly I'm award nominated. I don't win a lot of awards. I don't try to. 

Leo feels my pain.

When I was in college, I thought I wanted to work in politics. I did for a while. The rush from campaigning was awesome. The day to day operations were tedious. 

That rush and the lack of it led me to change jobs every 2 years for a while. I decided to go back to school to become a teacher. And now I'm finishing my 9th year teaching, virtual or otherwise. 

It's fun for me. It's a rush. 

Everyday is an election: will they vote to learn? 

Every day I'm the majority whip: you better vote to learn! If you don't know what the whip is, I'm sorry you didn't pay attention in government class. Now go look it up.

Just like the whip, I have strategies. Will they need coddling? Coercion? Threats? Bribes?

Some days I use the right tactics and I win the battle. Some days I don't and I lose the battle. But the battle is not between me and them. I'm on their side. The battle is between me and everything else vying for their attention. 

Friends. Enemies. Parent pressure. Hunger. Abuse. Peer pressure. Violence. Gangs. Family issues. Expectations. Anxiety. Boredom. Technology. Alcohol. Sex. Drugs. Rock & roll. 

Despite losing battles, I win the war every year. 

Do I always follow the rules? You've heard the saying, "All's fair in love and war" ... right? 

I'm going to keep fighting the battles until I am carted off the field. My students will salute me and say that I always fought on their side. 

Nerd guys, jock guys, all kinds of guys. #yesallwomen

There are countless posts about that guy that killed his roommates and then some women because he was involuntarily celibate (his words).

Shooter Leaves Digital Trail - in case you don't have the story.

And then I've read two great responses to this from guys who somewhat identified with the killer:
Overcome Your Programming
Your Princess Is In Another Castle: Misogyny, Entitlement, and Nerds

Let's start at the beginning: To have a good relationship, whether friendship, dating, marriage, whatever, both parties have to be on the same level.

Guys, if you like her more than she likes you, it won't work.
Girls, if you like him more than he likes you, it won't work.

I have been on both ends of this equation. I have really liked a guy (multiple times) who was not at all into me in that way. And I have been really liked by guys who I have not wanted to make out with.

No one is entitled to anything. I didn't realize that the hardest thing to teach my kids is this: your body is your own. No one else's. And when someone says stop, you stop. This is true whether you are arm wrestling or kissing.

As a teacher, I have seen and will continue to see the self-proclaimed "nice guy" who never has a date. I have seen and will continue to see the hot girls that every guy thinks they should go out with.

Not everyone is like this, so read the following with the understanding that I am going to make some generalizations. This is drawn from years of talking with kids who have confided in me about their personal issues.

When a girl likes a guy and he doesn't like her back, her response is to wonder what she did wrong. She wonders: am I too fat? Too skinny? Too tan? Too pale? Too smart? Too dumb? Too blonde? Not blonde enough? And then she sets out to fix those things for him. 

When a guy likes a girl and she doesn't like him in return, his response is to project what he sees as being wrong with her. She's dumb, she's fat, she's a slut, she only wants a rich guy, she's racist. Not all guys, but a lot of guys. Nice guys. Quiet guys. Smart guys. Dumb guys.

Here's the thing: if you complain about your lot in life and don't do anything about it, that is your problem. I hear stories of the nice guys who are so busy complaining and bemoaning their lack of hot girlfriend that they don't realize that the perfectly nice and also attractive girl is willing to date you.

What if that girl set out to fix things for herself? What if she is happy the way she is and she just realized that guy wasn't a good fit for her?

What if that guy set out to fix some things for himself? And what if he realized that he's fine the way he is and that girl just isn't a good fit for him?

When we set realistic expectation for ourselves in other areas of our lives, our peers (usually) don't give us shit. I don't want to be national teacher of the year. I just want to be good at what I do. My friends don't give me shit for that. They don't say that the NTOY people don't know what they're missing. I think George Clooney is attractive. I don't think he's an asshole for not dating me. We're both kind of busy.

I mean. Seriously.

But when people, guys in particular, set reasonable expectations for themselves, their dudebro friends will pile on the shit. The hot girl doesn't know what she's missing, and the perfectly normal, non-supermodel type is desperate.

When girls set reasonable expectations, they're desperate or slutty and that's just bullshit.

Lastly, more than anything else, you should realize that....

There is always, always someone in a similar situation. Quit obsessing. And if you can't quit obsessing, find a professional. 

I'm Judging You. (not you, personally, but that other person)

If You Let Your Teenage Daughter Sleep In On A School Day - at the New Yorker

I cannot handle this. I. CANNOT.

I get that it's supposed to be a joke about the children's book If You Give A Mouse A Cookie.
I get it.

I'm judging this twofold.

1. As a parent. Don't let your punk-ass daughter sleep in on a school day. If she does, she's sick, and she stays home, in bed, all day. That's it. Full stop. You take her to lunch? You get her a haircut? Fuck no. That's what the weekend is for. Mom, you are a fucking pushover. You are a pathetic excuse for a parent.

I get it- she had lacrosse til all hours and then stayed up doing her homework. Her boyfriend broke up with her and she cried all night. Her best friend bought the same prom dress in a different color and a size smaller and now they're not speaking. Not only am I a mom now, but I was a teenage girl once. A horrible, awful, unbearably dramatic teenage girl.

And you know what I learned? Shit happens. But unless you are sick, you get your ass out of bed and go to school. That's how it works. You get your sorry ass to school.


2. As a teacher. I would bet this mom calls her daughter on her phone while she knows the daughter is in class and then when the daughter gets in trouble, the mom makes excuses. Then she talks shit about the teacher so the kid has no respect for the teacher- if there was any to begin with.

Please, mom, teach your daughter that education is important. That responsibilities and obligations are important. That if she's tired, she should go to bed earlier. If stuff happens, you're tired for a day, and then you take a nap when you get home. That if you prioritize, you can work on your essay over the course of 3 days instead of working on it 7 hours in one night.

Mom, teach your daughter how to be a reliable, responsible, valuable member of society. That's your job. I'm going to help you do that, but I can't do it alone. You have to show her how important it is.

Dress Codes and Shorts

This is my opinion. Agree, disagree, I don't care. Thoughtful interaction welcome. Wild flaming of original poster or commenters not welcome.

There's a lot of news out there about student dress codes. And there's a lot of writing under the feminist banner about how girls should be allowed to wear shorts as short as they want because it's not their job to dress so they don't distract boys.

I get that, I really do. Girls, you do you. Dress how you want. I mean, good lord almighty, for three years I was a woman in her mid 30s wearing booty shorts and skating derby in front of people. And I did not give the tiniest damn about what they thought of my butt.

However, I do not wear booty shorts at work. And kids, school is your job. One of the things that teachers study in their education prep (or at least I did) was the hidden curriculum.

http://edglossary.org/hidden-curriculum/   Hidden curriculum refers to the unwritten, unofficial, and often unintended lessons, values, and perspectives that students learn in school. While the “formal” curriculum consists of the courses, lessons, and learning activities students participate in, as well as the knowledge and skills educators intentionally teach to students, the hidden curriculum consists of the unspoken academic, cultural, and social messages that are communicated to students while they are in school.

The hidden curriculum is important. Sometimes the hidden curriculum is detrimental. If you go to the edglossary.org link, you can see examples of when the hidden curriculum is a problem because it reinforces social, economic, and social problems that may be endemic in a community.

However, the hidden curriculum can be beneficial. Schools are organized in a way that promote positive social interactions. High schools are the last step for many students on their way to their career. While some students will not go on to a professional white-collar work environment after they leave school, many of them will. Every student needs to learn how to behave in a professional environment.

I wish I could tell you that you're going to go out into the world and not be judged. But you are. And for both men and women alike, if you dress in a professional manner, people will more highly value what you do and what you say. I might have been just a kid in a suit, but for two years, I was a kid in a suit who had the ear of a Congressman. For two more years, I had the ear of the Vice Chair of the County Commission in one of the most populous counties in the US. And for two more years, I oversaw the yearly spending of more than half a million dollars in university funding on alumni programming.

I don't do any of those things anymore- for the past ten years I have had the ears of approximately 130 high school students a year plus my own two kids. But to me, the ears attached to more than a thousand young, developing heads, are far more important than the previous ears. Because the impact these kids will make is greater than that of the Congressman, or Commission, or alumni association.

And that is why I am here to tell you that dressing in a manner that adequately portrays what's inside your head is important. Don't let how you look distract from the importance of the message you are sending. I don't wake up every morning excited to once again oppress teenage boys and girls. I wake up excited to expand their minds and to learn more from them every day. I wake up hoping that whatever I am bringing to those students to engage with will light a spark of interest and ignite their curiosity in some aspect of the world around them.

I have heard complaints from female students who say it's too hot and I don't understand. Considering that I'm in the same building that you are in for an even longer period of time, I'm pretty sure I do understand. I like shorts.  Of all my body parts, I think I have some pretty outstanding legs. I'd love to wear shorts to school. But I don't, because it's not professional. Because my employer would warn me, then fire me.

I have heard complaints saying from female students saying that it's sexist toward females. I am 100% certain that if boys wore short shorts there would be rules against that, too. Dress code rules about keeping your pants pulled up and your underwear not showing are aimed toward males. I enforce keeping your pants pulled up and your shorts past fingertip length equally.

When you go to the beach, do not wear school appropriate clothing. Wear tiny bathing suits. Be proud of your body.

When you go to your job, do not wear school appropriate clothing. Dress for your job whether you are a camp counselor and your job is wearing and applying bug repellent all day, mowing lawns, or scooping ice cream.

I am not saying:

• Dress like a clone
• Dress like a 40 year old
• Wear a uniform
• The 1950s were great
• Girls should be oppressed
• Style is for suckers
• Wear clothing that is too big

I am saying: 

• Dress appropriately for your environment
• When school is out, wear whatever fits your environment
• Your teachers are not thinking about sex if they ask you to pull your pants up (males) or your shorts/skirts down at the bottom (females)
• Dress in your own style

It is possible that rules exist because your teachers and administrators care about you and want you to succeed in school and in life. 

Save Yourself the Embarassment: a guide to teacher gifts

It's Teacher Appreciation Week.... as a teacher who used to be in a classroom and was on the receiving end of many a gift, here's a rough idea about things to get and *not* get your kids teacher this year whether it's this week, or the end of the year. Also, I'm not saying you have to get your teacher anything. Most people don't! But if you are planning to do something, here's a way to not embarrass yourself.

A quick Google search shows this: http://shop.cafepress.com/gift-for-teacher ... unless you know your teacher has a desire to collect the most bad mugs ever, don't buy her or him a mug. Note: I'm a female, & my kids have female teachers. I'm using the female pronoun. It's not sexist, it's factual. She has 100, and only uses 1 to hold her pencils. The myth of the teacher as endless coffee drinker is just that: a myth. She has to stay in the classroom all day so she probably has 1 to keep herself awake (or a Diet Coke) and then it's water if it's anything at all. Teachers are the most dehydrated people I know. If you drink something, you have to pee, and you can't leave your room with a bunch of students in it. Where do you think those stories about kids having sex in the classroom come from?

Second, do not get some personalized poem. Just save everyone the trouble. This is awful.

Third, no candles... UNLESS that candle is from an easily recognized source (Bath & Body Works, Yankee Candle) AND... and this is the most important part... it can be easily exchanged. She may only like one smell from there, and wouldn't you rather she actually use the gift you give her? What you think stinks might be her favorite smell!

Fourth, nothing that takes up space on her desk. No "super cute" name signs or #1 teacher things or anything that needs to be dusted & moved & knocked over by students. It will go on a shelf where all the other little trinkety gifts go and she won't remember who gave it to her in a year or two.

Fifth, NOTHING WITH APPLES. Don't make me say this twice.

Sixth, no alcohol. Unless you know her personally outside of just teaching your kid & are willing to give it to her outside of school. You don't want her to lose her job, do you?

Seventh, no food. She gets lots of food and she probably takes a bite & throws it away. UNLESS.... you own a bakery & it's what you do for a living. Once, I had a student whose father owned a Greek restaurant. Baklava? Yes, please!

Now for the part you've been waiting for... what do you get your teacher? 

1. A note from the kid or if the kid is too small, a note from you. This is free. I have a box I keep my notes in & I've never thrown one away. Even now that I teach online, I've had a couple emailed and I print them off & save them. I just read through them the other day and may have gotten a little something in my eye.

If your child is writing the note, don't supervise them. Let them write whatever they want. Maybe they have a special joke with the teacher or if they're small they think the coolest thing ever would be to invite the teacher to come over. Don't worry, she won't take them up on it, but it's from the heart.

2. A gift card... Teachers spend hundreds of their own dollars every year in the classroom.  Even $5 to a local book store or to Target or Books A Million goes a long way. Try to make it a pretty generic store- if you don't know, get a mall gift card that she can use anywhere in the mall. Also good- a gift card to the local teacher's supply store. Those places are usually overpriced, but there are things there you can't get anywhere else.

3. A memory stick/thumb drive/jump drive... whatever you call them. Especially good for middle & high school teachers. They always need more memory and if nothing else, they can loan it out to a student.

4. A care package... I like to start the school year by giving the teacher a gift bag with a travel size bottle of Advil, hand sanitizer, crackers, Hershey's Kisses and other small pre-wrapped foods, pencils, pens, highlighters, post-its, stickers. Teacher's often get stuck in their classroom when they should be eating & sometimes those tiny snacks save a teacher's sanity!

5. A nice travel kit... I had a student get me a lovely monogrammed small toiletry kit. I love it, I still use it, I still think of her when I do. Along the same lines- if you know the teacher fairly well & have a sense of her style, a nice lunch bag is also welcomed.

6. If you're looking for a high-end gift because this particular teacher has been downright amazing and your kid has been a hellion (and you know it) .... get her a gift certificate to a spa. Make sure it covers a massage, but don't actually book it for her. She may hate massages and only want a pedicure or whatever.

7. Classroom supplies- teachers always buy the cheapest stuff out there because it's going to get destroyed. It's always nice when a parent knows that that sort of thing happens. It's nice if you get her funky stuff for her own use- color pens, Sharpies, post-it notes in pretty colors. If you really want to make her happy, ask her what she needs for the kids. If it's paper, college or wide ruled? Pencils? A new pencil sharpener? Construction paper? Glue? A certain type of scissors?

8. Remember that note? That's the most important thing she will get from you. Acknowledge everything she's done. Make it personal. Wish her well. If you really loved her, write one to her supervisor.