Howling in Pain.

Not quite howling. *note: this post contains profanity.

I seem to recall someone saying "I threw out my back." ... for my whole life. They did it playing racquetball (hah! the 80s!) or brushing their teeth (hah! the 90s! ... I'm kidding. Good dental hygiene is always in style.) or picking socks up off the floor.

For me, I did it lifting weights. At least I have a studly excuse.

At first I didn't know what happened. I had a lovely session with my trainer, then I did my workout for The New Rules of Lifting: Lift Like a Man, Look Like a Goddess. I'm still in phase one of this workout and it's not terribly hard. So anyway, I did the workout.

My back was a bit sore. Nothing major. I didn't do anything unusual or crazy.

And then I did some foam rolling. My trainer occasionally scolds me in the way that a 20 something woodsprite looking thing can scold me and says I don't foam roll enough after lifting. Since my back did not feel awesome, I foam rolled a bit.

Neither I, nor my trainer, look like this dude.

Then I went home and I sat down to dinner. No, I didn't shower, I prefer dinner at a reasonable hour and will put off showering to eat. And when I sat down, my back said:  WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK.

For the record, I turned 39 a month-ish ago. I had never once thrown out my back. I didn't even know what the hell that meant.

Here I am, 5 days later. I have been able to get up, walk around, and I did yoga and lifted weights on Saturday. I have not been confined to my bed. I have only taken copious amounts of pain medication at night.

However, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK. Why does this happen? Just one day, your back is like NOPE. Not going to operate like a normal back right now. Sorry.

I mean, COME ON. I have treated you moderately well, back. I get the occasional massage. I used to go to the chiropractor until they started harassing me to come 3 days a week. I occasionally sit in the jacuzzi at the gym with a jet pounding on you for a minute. I'm NICE. 

Whatever, back. You suck. 

My Thoughts on Non-Weight Lifting Days

• I should work out today
• Ok, I'm going to work out
• What am I going to do? 
• I hate cardio. 
• It's rainy outside, I'm going to the gym. 
• It's beautiful outside, there is no way I'm going to the gym. 
• I guess I should run. 
• I'll do intervals. 
• Why do I live in such a hilly neighborhood? 
• I should go to the park. 
• All the parks have hills, too. 
• I should get new running shoes. 
• I don't need new shoes, these ones are fine. 
• I should probably get new shoes but they're so expensive. 
• I wonder if anyone would take my old shoes as a donation? They're in good shape, kind of. 
• I should ask my friends if anyone they know is doing one of those shoe drives for Africa. 
• Where are my headphones? 
• Where are my sunglasses? 
• At least I know where my visor is. 
• Ew, this thing is crusty. 
• It's such a nice day! 
• Just call me Princess Fanny Pack. 
• Better fanny pack than broken phone though, right? 
• I only have 6 months left on my phone contract! Can't wait to get a new one! 
• All of my neighbors have better landscaping. 
• I wonder what that tree/bush/flower is called? I want one. 
• (phone says: 1 mile completed) Yeah, one mile! Woo! One more? Sure. Beside, you're not even close to home. 
• Walking up hills is way better than running. 
• Look at me running down this hill! Weeeeeeee!
• Am I done yet? 
• I'll sprint to that mailbox.
• I am not a sprinter. 
• Feeling pretty good. I bet I'm running pretty fast. 
• I'm going to take a detour. 
• I can't believe that only added .2 miles! I thought for sure it would be .5. 
• Almost home! 
• Should I add another detour? 
• I swear that one is uphill both ways. 
• I think I'm done. 
• Wow, I feel great! 
• I should do that again. 
• In a month. 

DIY Deodorant?

One of the funniest things about Pinterest is what gets repinned.

My top 2 pins are a t-shirt that says "Back 2 Back World War Champs" 

... and do it yourself deodorant. 

Off topic: ever have a word you can't spell right? Mine is deodorant. Thank glob for spell check. 

Here's the original link: http://greatist.com/health/DIY-Deodorant

And now here's how I did it: 

1. Look up all the DIY deodorant recipes on the internet. Discover that the recipe that I linked to above says use cornstarch, but apparently that's bad. 
2. Get ingredients: 
• arrowroot powder was easy to find at the local hippie store. 
• Find an essential oil that I like and that won't clash with the scent of coconut oil- I used sweet orange. 
• I already had baking soda and coconut oil- I used Spectrum. 
  
3. Use up a regular container of deodorant. Take out the little plastic thing that holds the deodorant inside and realize that in my particular brand (Secret) there are holes in the bottom. Wonder how exactly I will be filling said container with a liquid. 
4. Determine that filling those holes with hot glue is a good idea. And it actually was a good idea! Tip: use wax paper underneath so you don't hot glue your base to something else. You just want to fill the holes. 
5. Replace base in deodorant container. 
6. Melt coconut oil, mix up ingredients.


• 1/2 cup coconut oil (pre-melting)
• 1/4 cup arrowroot powder
• 1/4 cup baking soda
• 1/8 -1/4 teaspoon essential oil 


7. Slowly pour into container
8. Realize that I have too much left over, put some in fridge in a smallish tupperware container.
9. Be skeptical. 
10. Use deodorant- important note: this is not anti-perspirant. It's de-stinkifier. I shower at night after working out. That's when I use this stuff- I put it on after my shower, then again before going to sleep. In the morning, I go back to using my full-of-chemicals but beloved Secret. 

Results: 

• It smells good.
• It's greasy, but my pits are getting moisturized. I guess. 
• I'm only using it at night and I don't care if I get damp pits then. 
• I'm not stinky. 
• It's a little gritty.

Judgement: I think I'm going to keep this up. 3 weeks in and no adverse effects. 

Life Tips

I keep seeing these lists of "life hacks" and stuff like that. But what if you're not 25? All those lists seem irrelevant to me- I'm a few years outside of their target demographic. So here's a list that's from me and the reason I'm posting it is to serve as a reminder for me. 

1. Use conditioner. 
2. Don't neglect your eyebrows. If you're concerned about aging, use a brow powder. It will take years away immediately. 
3. Your skin changes colors with the seasons. So should your foundation. 
4. If you say, "be honest." to a friend/sister/mom/coworker, expect them to be honest. Don't be butthurt when they are. 
5. If they're not honest, ask someone who is.
6. If you don't want the truth, ask yourself what you are afraid of. 
7. Recognize that you have the freedom to make choices. 
8. Recognize that you are not free from the consequences of those choices, either positive or negative. 
9. Apologize when you've done something wrong. 
10. Don't apologize when you've not done something wrong. 
11. Buy clothes that fit well. 
12. If they don't fit well, either get rid of them or get them tailored. 
13. Don't keep clothes because you spent a lot on them. If they are out of date, faded, or just in general look bad, let it go. 
14. Don't buy something just because it's on sale.  
    
15. Don't apologize for your taste in music. 
16. Don't apologize for who you are. 
17. Comfort does not always equal sloppiness. Wear what makes you comfortable but be neat.
18. Jeans and a t-shirt are perfectly acceptable. 
19. Don't wear tennis shoes, running shoes, sneakers, trainers, whatever you call them- with boot cut jeans. 
20. Read more. 
21. Listen to podcasts. Especially ones that make you laugh. 
22. Give to charity. You'll feel good about it and have a tax deduction. 
23. Save some money. 
24. If you're loyal to a brand, subscribe to their emails. Take advantage of their discounts and bonuses. 
25. Your feelings are valid.
26. Your gut instinct is valid. 
27. While your feelings & gut instinct are valid, it's not always wise to display them publicly.
28. Be skeptical. 
29. Consider the information you're sharing. It can be used against you. 
30. It's ok not to love someone as much as they love you. 
31. You need people in your life who love you as much as you love them. Find and cherish those people.
32. Friendships have the same arc as romantic relationships. It's ok to let them go. 
33. It's also ok to grieve those friendships. 
34. As you get older, you'll realize it's easy to alienate other women by asking, "where do you work?"  Try phrasing it differently, "Do you work?" is a safe choice- it gives them the opportunity to say what they want about their career choice (or lack thereof). 
35. Whether you carry a huge purse or a tiny wallet, make sure what you need fits inside. An overstuffed handbag looks ridiculous. 
36. Subscribe to a fitness email- even if you don't read it, it will remind you to get active. 
37. Find a physical activity you enjoy and do it. 
38. Become part of a team- either at work, or elsewhere. Independence is good, but teamwork reveals things that you need to know. 
39. Honor your commitments. 
40. Realize when your commitments are draining you and excuse yourself gracefully. 
41. Learn the phrase, "I'm sorry, that won't work for me." and then use it. 
42. Glitter is the herpes of the craft world- if you love it, use it anyway. 
    
43. Learn how to use power tools- especially a drill & circular saw. 
44. If you're learning from the internet, watch more than one tutorial video. 
45. When making a choice that affects others, prepare to defend your choice. You may not have to in public, but you will quell your self doubt. 
46. Know that sometimes you'll have to do things you won't really want to do but that won't hurt you to do them. Look for the benefit in doing them anyway.
47. Find people who share your sense of humor - or at least appreciate it. 
48. Hopefully, the same people will be ones with which you can disagree and still remain friends.
49. Makeup can be fun and you are not less of a strong woman if you enjoy it. 
    
50. Dance at weddings, even if you are a crappy dancer. 
51. Be proud of where you come from. 
52. Be proud of where you're going. 
53. Accept that weight loss will not make your life better. 
54. Don't put your life on hold for anything- better job, more money, weight loss, relationship. You may find what you want when you're doing something completely unrelated. 
55. Make goals. 
56. Reward yourself for reaching those goals. 
57. Establish traditions for yourself.
58. Embrace change.
    
    The next part is the if you're a mom or ever plan to be a mom section. 
59. Be the kind of mom your kid(s) need, not the kind you wanted.
60. Don't tell your kid(s) that they will be good at something before they do it. They might not be good at it. 
61. Don't force your kids to bring younger/older brothers/sisters along when they play with their friends. Let them be their own people. 
62. It's ok to enjoy time away from your kids. 
63. Your kid(s) will get mad at you. That means you're doing your job. 
64. Be a good example- what you do is a lot more noticeable than what you say.
65. Hold your kid(s) to a high but not unattainable standard.  
    
66. You will fail at parenting. Learn from it and let it go. 
67. Rewarding every little effort sets kids up for failure. 
68. Encourage your kid(s) to continue what they enjoy even if it's not a choice you would make for them. 
69. Make sure your kid(s) learn the value of honoring their commitments.
70. Don't force your kid(s) to do an extracurricular they hate. But honor the above - if they're in the middle of a season or production or whatever, they should finish it.  (See also: teamwork)
71. Teach your kid(s) manners. 

Photoshop Elements masking tutorial

So I digital scrapbook. I love it. Sue me.

Anyway, when I get kits online, sometimes they come with a photomask. I usually ignore them, but I liked the most recent one I got, and I wanted to use it.
Of course, I could not figure out how to use it to save my entire life. And then when I found the best instructions at DesignerDigitals.com I couldn't pin them.

Therefore, here they are...


In Photoshop Elements:

Open a document.
Open a Photocut Mask. Using the Move tool, drag the Photocut Mask down onto your document in the Project Bin.

Next, open a photo and drag photo down on top of the mask in the Project Bin (covering the mask completely.)

Note: in PSE 6 and PSE7, never drag an item UP from the Bin onto your document.

In the Layers Palette, the photo layer should be directly above the mask layer. If it isn't, drag the photo layer on top of (one layer above) the mask layer.

Select the photo layer and press Ctrl G on your keyboard (or Cmd G on a Mac). This will glue your photo to the Photocut Mask.

And if you want to know the mask I'm using, it comes in this kit: Plain Digital Wrapper Baseball Dreams kit

Chocolate Covered Strawberry Shake

I'm just going to start posting random stuff.

Today I had a delicious smoothie/shake thing for breakfast. It is not from a multilevel marketing company. F-you, Advocrap and Herbacult.

I bought this stuff from drugstore.com and it's delicious.

Recipe:
Tera'sWhey rBGH free Dark Chocolate Whey Protein - 2 scoops
Silk Almond Milk (or the dairy/non-dairy milk of your choice)- 8 oz.
1 cup strawberries- slice them bitches up
1 tbsp psyllium husks- I use Yerba Prima, but whatever. Benefiber also works but it's super processed and I'm trying to avoid that.

Put that shit in your magic bullet or ninja or whatever you use.

Use a straw for fanciness.

blogging sucks.

I'm so terrible at it because I use Facebook as a blog. I'm going to start writing one tiny thing 3 times a week. We'll see if it works.

Last night, I came in late from derby practice. Agent N was talking in his sleep. He always talks in his sleep. But his eyes were open and I thought he was talking to me.

Hi Mom, I just woke up.

Good. Go back to sleep. It's 11 pm, not morning yet.

Ok. I love you.

I love you, too, sweet monkey. Go to sleep.

mumblemumble You're a pretty ghzxasfdak. 

What? I didn't hear you.

You're a pretty agalihsdfegz. 

What was that?

You're a pretty target, mommy.


........ damn, kids are weird.