Sunday, November 16, 2014

Can't Win.

I'm letting you in on a little secret: I am so awkward at personal interaction.

You just said, "Oh, hey, me too!" This isn't a competition, but no, you're totally not.

Here is the problem. For my whole life, when people tell me the truth, I'm not offended. I wish someone had told me when I was younger that I didn't have a great voice. But they didn't, and I embarrassed myself for years singing in front of people.

My mom used to tell me that I was loud all the time. I was offended at the time because she's my mom and it's my job as a kid to be offended but in truth, it was useful information.

*Disclaimer: in truth, when my family (mom/dad/brother/sister) tell me the truth, I'm totally offended. Everyone else gets a pass.

Why this is a problem: I cannot get it through my head that other people are not the same way. I also cannot seem to get that people are not always telling me the truth.

When I tell people the truth, they get offended.

Here's how I learned to get around that. I try to keep my mouth shut.

Here's why I fail at that. When I keep my mouth shut, people say I'm a snob. Or I'm mean. Or that I hated them.

I know that people say that, because I've had about a billion conversations with people and at some point they say, "I used to think you were so mean/snobby/bitchy/horrible but people just need to get to know you!"

And when I get to know you, I get all attached. And when I get all attached, I let my guard down. And when I let my guard down, I tell you the truth.

You probably don't want to hear it. If you don't and you can't tell me that, we probably won't be friends much longer.

People who are my true, good friends are people who I have argued and cried with. They have probably told me at least once (in the past year) that I said something offensive. And there are always 3 reasons for this:

  • at the time I didn't realize that it was offensive, 
  • at the time I was super emotional about something, 
  • or I spoke freely at a time when I really shouldn't have. 

And sometimes- most of the time- like a teen age girl - I just don't get why that is. But if I don't talk to people, I have no friends- because I'm mean/snobby/bitchy/horrible... actually just scared to open my mouth because who even knows what is going to be said.

For the record, I'm totally aware of the situation. But here's the deal. Sometimes, you have to tell me I was offensive. I probably didn't mean to do it, and I'll be sorry.